李昕2023參加北藝大評鑑展論述

文:李昕

<<黑襪子系列----想象飛>>

這系列的畫結合記憶、幻想、潛意識,創造出寧靜或浪漫或幽暗的意象。

特殊視角,具象、半具象與些微抽象並存,多重空間錯置,營造出跨越時空、異次元的幻夢感。

 

在繪畫的過程,先是不斷堆疊、形塑、塗抹,成為心中”飛”的意象,最後加了幾塊黑影,而當黑影在畫面呈現,仿佛透過一種儀式,心靈上有一種釋放的感覺。

 

想像飛,飛不起來,卻藉著象徵囚籠的黑影,讓心靈飛躍起來。 飛,,需要跨越,而跨越,或許需要先破壞 黑影,象徵囚籠;而翅膀、羽毛、銀色的線條則是"飛"的象徵。

人總是在囚籠與飛翔之間擺盪;但,籠子其實是敞開的,沒有鎖。

 

一,   黑襪子 畫中的黑影,讓我想到黑襪子,也象徵束縛,象徵囚籠。 人,回到家,脫了鞋,第一件事就是脫襪子。脫下襪子,馬上腳就舒服了,腳得到了解放;人只有在家,小小的空間,脫了鞋襪,能夠透氣,能夠須臾喘息。 心靈的囚牢,就像人穿著黑襪,回家脫下,暫時的;出門再穿起來,回到戰場,回到人性枷鎖。

二,    二,想象 人的腦子裡不斷穿梭著各種意象,很難停下來不想,幾乎不可能放空。而這些意象,可能是記憶的片段,也可能是昨夜的殘夢,或眼球對環境的攝相,或是從潛意識中突然冒出的斷肢。這些破碎的意象,在腦中打碎又重組,成為心靈的意象,雜亂的飛進飛出,其實搞不清楚那些是甚麼,但總有一個意念出現,就是「想飛」。

三,    三,飛 心靈的眼睛是自由的鳥,心靈可以穿越時空,任意遨遊,但是身體要真正飛翔卻不容易。 藉著圖像的破壞(黑影),意圖展現飛翔的意志,為了達到另一番景緻,必須先破壞,但這是讓人卻步的,不敢,怕弄巧成拙,怕破壞原有的成就。現在即使不快樂,但跨出去,對於未知,對於飛,卻充滿恐懼。 在畫布裡飛,離真正的心靈飛翔還有一大步,但至少是在畫布中起步。這起步已經是千斤重了 。

四,    四,囚籠 為什麼想飛,因為在囚籠裡。道德、宗教、傳統、輿論,還有自己的慾望及恐懼,一層又一層的;但事實上,沒有人能夠囚禁自己,因為囚籠的門沒有鎖,打開門,就海闊天空了;但總是有千百個理由,自己囚禁自己,自己不想飛,卻又喊著"我要飛"。有些人喊一輩子,最後卻還是留在原地打轉。

作品名稱

1. <<黑襪子系列----想象飛>>之一: 李昕/ 絹印,油畫/112x96cm/2023/,

2. <<黑襪子系列----想象飛>>之二 李昕/油畫/112x96cm/2023

 3 <<黑襪子系列----想象飛>>之三: 李昕/油畫/112x96cm/2023

 4 <<黑襪子系列----想象飛>>之四 李昕/油畫/96x68cm/2023

"The Black Socks Series – Imagining Flight"

This series of paintings combines memory, fantasy, and the subconscious to create tranquil, romantic, or dark imagery. With a unique perspective, it blends figurative, semi-figurative, and slightly abstract elements, displacing multiple spaces to evoke a dreamlike feeling that transcends time and dimensions.

During the painting process, layers are constantly built up, shaped, and smeared, gradually forming the image of "flight" in the artist’s mind. Finally, several black shadows are added, and when these shadows appear on the canvas, it feels like a kind of ritual, providing a sense of spiritual release.

The imagination of flight—unable to physically take off—soars spiritually through the symbolic black shadows, which represent a cage. To fly, one must transcend, and transcendence might require destruction. The black shadow symbolizes the cage, while wings, feathers, and silver lines represent the idea of "flight." Humans are always swinging between imprisonment and flight; but the cage is actually open—it has no lock.

  1. Black Socks
    The black shadows in the painting remind me of black socks, symbolizing restriction and imprisonment. When people return home and take off their shoes, the first thing they do is remove their socks. Once the socks are off, the feet feel immediate relief and freedom. At home, in a small space, only by removing shoes and socks can one breathe and take a momentary rest. The prison of the mind is like wearing black socks: when at home, you take them off temporarily, but when stepping outside, you put them back on, returning to the battlefield and to the shackles of human nature.

  2. Imagination
    The mind is constantly buzzing with various images, making it nearly impossible to stop thinking. These images could be fragments of memory, remnants of last night’s dream, visual perceptions of the surroundings, or dismembered parts that suddenly surface from the subconscious. These broken images are smashed and reorganized in the mind, forming mental imagery. They fly in and out chaotically, and while it’s hard to understand what they truly are, there’s always one prevailing thought: "I want to fly."

  3. Flight
    The eye of the soul is a free bird; the spirit can traverse time and space, flying freely. However, for the body to truly fly is much harder. Through the destruction of images (the black shadows), the intention is to manifest the will to fly. To reach another kind of scenery, one must first destroy what exists, but this is intimidating. Fear of failure or ruining what’s already been achieved often stops people. Even though one may feel unhappy now, stepping into the unknown, into flight, is filled with fear. To fly on the canvas is still a long way from true spiritual flight, but at least it’s a first step. And that first step already feels like it carries immense weight.

  4. The Cage
    Why do we want to fly? Because we are in a cage. Morality, religion, tradition, public opinion, along with personal desires and fears—all layer upon us. Yet, in reality, no one can truly imprison themselves, because the cage’s door isn’t locked. Once the door is opened, the vast sky is there for the taking. Still, there are countless reasons why people imprison themselves, refusing to fly while shouting, "I want to fly." Some shout this for their entire lives, yet remain spinning in the same place.

Artworks

  1. The Black Socks Series – Imagining Flight I: Li Xin / Serigraphy, Oil on Canvas / 112x96cm / 2023

  2. The Black Socks Series – Imagining Flight II: Li Xin / Oil on Canvas / 112x96cm / 2023

  3. The Black Socks Series – Imagining Flight III: Li Xin / Oil on Canvas / 112x96cm / 2023

  4. The Black Socks Series – Imagining Flight IV: Li Xin / Oil on Canvas / 96x68cm / 2023



2022李昕北藝大美術系碩士評鑑展

文:李昕

標題:《失去系列》….

 創作動機

 在「失去」中學習感恩,在「回憶」中學習放下。

 凝視「老照片」

「我」 觀看「過去的我」,透過老照片,審視自己生命。

照片裡的情境好多都已經印象模糊,甚至遺忘,好像在觀看一個跟自己不相關的生命。

「她」,青澀的面容,略帶迷惘;貓咪的陪伴、舞蹈歲月…,點點滴滴。「她」的生命,長度 (年紀) 增加了,廣度 (見識) 增加了,厚度 (智慧) 是否也增加了?

 當快門「喀擦」一瞬間,留住一霎那,卻同時,也失去了那一霎那。

而人生,在不斷的「得到」與不斷的「失去」,滾動翻轉之間,最後我們剩下的是甚麼?

 當人步入壯年,有感於身軀逐漸向著老邁與疾病前進,甚至走在死亡列車的行列而不自覺,但卻也隱隱感受得到靈魂裡仍蓄藏著熊熊烈焰,那是一種肉體與靈魂消長間的拉扯,生老病死將是最後嚴峻的生命課題。

 因此,我將「時間」納入創作主題;也就是把生命中每個階段的美感意念,放在時間軸的變與不變裡。引發對「生命意義」的文明思考。

 創作理念:

結合老照片與自己的手繪。

攝影「捕捉霎那永恆」與「再現」。繪畫則是跳脫「擬真」,而進入「心靈圖像」的描繪。

攝影作品於我,是遠而冷冽的審美景觀,而手繪就是近距離真實的體溫感。藉著老照片與油彩,我將自己的形體與心靈圖像,停駐在畫布上,寫實的攝影加上粗曠的筆觸,我企圖展現一種新的繪畫語彙,並用這樣的形式,交織生命過去、現在,與未來。

創作學理

人類最早的繪畫,目前被發現的,有法國拉斯科洞窟壁畫,作品繪於約公元前15000年,還有西班牙北部的阿爾塔米拉石灰岩溶洞壁畫,大約距今18000年至13000年前,人類有紀錄生活及保留自我形象的欲望,繪畫及雕塑是最早的方法。而直到攝影的發明,紀錄文明及保留自我形象的工作漸漸由攝影取代。

攝影

攝影跟畫畫不同,它是以光成色,是感光性的創作媒材;只有攝影才能捕捉真實的瞬間。透過攝影師的眼睛和感知,在快門的喀嚓聲中,凍結一剎那的場景、表情和情感,形成永恆的生命瞬間,這是手繪創作辦不到的。畫畫就算再寫實,也是事後印象的描繪。

繪畫….接近新表現主義

在我這系列的創作,保留部分攝影圖像,尤其是面容、眼神、表情。而繪畫,畫家一筆一筆的手作堆疊油彩,同時也把「生命」堆疊在畫布上。我選擇用厚圖粗曠的筆觸,而圖面的營造,接近新表現主義,由內心出發,除了理性擬真、結構、空間、光線處理等,更加入無意識的感性揮灑。

 創作方法

我用老照片,其中有二十歲的我、舞台劇照、生活照等,大圖輸出,然後保留部分影像,再加上油彩,手繪到畫布上。

作品說明

一張老照片,一段記憶。

「記憶」也是一種"存在"嗎? 凝視老照片也是一種自我覺查。

哈利波特小說中,記憶中的人,可以走出來說話;其實,我們總是不斷自我對話,跟過去的,現在的、未來的自己。

 一,失去系列之一……花漾年華

二十歲的我,凝視著攝影者,我已經完全忘記當時前後情境,攝影者是誰,但一張瞬間影像,可以讓魂魄穿越時空。我看著「她」,似乎回到當年青春的肉體,甚至嗅到記憶中騷動的氣息;而她似乎也望著我,老太婆啊!時光何其快速,妳已經到了開始回憶及檢視生命的年紀,而生命的意義又是甚麼。

圖像中的我,不也是在凝視觀畫者嗎?而觀畫者從別人的生命又投射了甚麼,看到了甚麼。

 二,失去系列之二…..我的貓,lamour

Lamour,是女兒國中時撿到的。當時,幼貓的他,竟然在羅斯福路大馬路上,一路跟著女兒,當年我女兒才12歲。

22年的光陰,讓一隻貓走完一生,也讓女兒從少女變成少婦,我從中年變老婦….。這22年當中,我的生命有好多好多故事,好多好多轉折,而貓咪忠誠的一路相伴,每天回家,第一眼看到的就是Lamour,孤獨而安逸的睡在他的窩裡,這景象讓我得到心安。

送走Lamour,我知道,生命中有些東西永遠消失了,但我似乎還死抓著;我畫他,畫他在我懷裡的幸福時光,以為這樣仍然可以留住某些東西,就像是我把Lamour的骨灰帶回家裡,這樣,好像他還繼續在最愛的窩裡,守著我。

 三,失去系列之三……水火之間

1992年開始佛拉明哥舞蹈的學習,一直到2017,嘎然而止,這影像是我的最後一場,穿著長裙,粉墨登場。

女人可以為了愛情奮不顧身,我為了愛情努力練舞,追隨一個愛跳舞的男人。

2018年,受傷無法再跳舞,這段舞蹈戀情也跟著消逝。當我望著這張老照片,發現竟然已經是五年前的往事。而腦海中,玫瑰花瓣仍然飛舞著,仍然要感謝他帶給我一段人生的繁華勝景。

四,失去系列之四….. 關於自戀

這張老照片大約是七八年前,一個盛夏海邊的傍晚。

我承認,25年的舞蹈生涯,已經讓我從一個沒有自信的孤僻小女孩,變成一個隨時可以站在強烈舞台燈下的舞者,即便是一個不經意的動作,看起來都很像在「作戲」。這張老照片,讓我發現,我已經成長成為一個自信、甚至是有點「自戀」的人,而我想到的是,可不可以輕鬆一點,偶而,甚至大部分的時間,都不要再感覺有任何觀眾,丟棄死愛漂亮的想法,丟棄想要得到掌聲的想法,而回到一個單純的本真狀態。

或許,我會從不斷畫自己的過程,超越「自我陷溺」的狀態,眼睛終將打開,開始觀看周遭事物。

疫情好嚴重啊….,烏俄戰爭….,以色列跟巴勒斯坦還在打嗎?中美貿易大戰 舒緩一些嗎?…

自戀或許也是自覺的開始。

Title: "The Loss Series"

Creative Motivation

In "loss," we learn to be grateful; in "memories," we learn to let go.

Gazing at "Old Photos"

"I" observe the "past me" through old photos, examining my life. Many of the scenes in the photos are now blurred or even forgotten, as if I am watching a life unrelated to mine.

“She” had a youthful face, slightly confused, accompanied by a cat, and the days of dancing…all these moments. Her life has increased in length (age) and breadth (knowledge), but has it also deepened (wisdom)?

The moment the shutter clicked, it captured an instant, but at the same time, that very moment was lost.

And in life, as we continually "gain" and "lose," what remains in the end?

When one reaches middle age, feeling their body gradually aging and moving toward illness, even unknowingly boarding the train toward death, one may still faintly feel the blazing fire within the soul. This is a tug-of-war between the decaying body and the thriving spirit. Birth, aging, illness, and death are life's final, severe lessons.

Thus, I have made "time" a central theme of my work—placing the aesthetic concepts of each stage of life on the timeline of change and constancy, sparking thoughts on the "meaning of life."

Artistic Concept

Combining old photos with my hand-drawn creations.

Photography captures "eternal moments" and "reproduces" reality. Painting, however, transcends realism and delves into depicting "inner imagery."

To me, photography is a distant, cold aesthetic, while hand-drawn work has the warmth of real human touch. Through old photos and oil paints, I aim to preserve my physical and inner imagery on the canvas. The realism of photography combined with the roughness of the brushstrokes is my attempt to create a new visual language, weaving together past, present, and future.

Artistic Theory

The earliest known human paintings include the Lascaux cave paintings in France, created around 15,000 BCE, and the Altamira cave paintings in northern Spain, dating back 18,000 to 13,000 years ago. These early works reflect humanity's desire to document life and preserve self-image. Until the invention of photography, painting and sculpture were the primary methods for this. With photography’s advent, the task of documenting civilization and self-image was gradually replaced by it.

Photography

Unlike painting, photography uses light as its medium, capturing a real, instantaneous moment. Through the photographer's eye and perception, the click of the shutter freezes a scene, expression, or emotion, creating an eternal moment in life—something that painting, no matter how realistic, can only portray afterward from memory.

Painting… Approaching Neo-Expressionism

In this series of works, I retain some photographic elements, especially the face, eyes, and expressions. Through painting, the artist layers oil paint stroke by stroke, while also layering "life" onto the canvas. I choose thick, rough brushstrokes, with the composition leaning towards Neo-Expressionism, drawing from within. In addition to rational realism, structure, space, and light handling, there's also a free and unconscious emotional flow.

Creative Method

I use old photos—ones from my twenties, stage photos, and everyday snapshots—printed large, retaining parts of the image, and then adding oil paint, hand-painting onto the canvas.

Explanation of the Works

An Old Photo, A Memory.

Is "memory" also a form of "existence"? Gazing at old photos is also a kind of self-reflection.

In the Harry Potter novels, people in memories can step out and speak. In reality, we constantly converse with ourselves—the past, present, and future versions of us.

  1. The Loss Series 1: Youth in Bloom

At twenty, I stared into the camera. I’ve completely forgotten the context, who the photographer was, yet one captured moment can transcend time and space. As I look at “her,” it’s as if I return to my youthful body, even smelling the restlessness of memories. She seems to look back at me, thinking, “Old woman! How quickly time has passed. You've reached the age where you begin to reflect on life. What is the meaning of life?”

Isn’t the image of me also staring at the viewer? What do viewers project from someone else’s life? What do they see?

  1. The Loss Series 2: My Cat, Lamour

Lamour was found by my daughter when she was in middle school. Back then, this little kitten followed my daughter all the way down Roosevelt Road. My daughter was only 12 at the time.

22 years have passed, seeing a cat live its full life, my daughter grow from a girl to a woman, and myself from middle-aged to elderly. These 22 years were filled with countless stories and turning points. Lamour faithfully accompanied me throughout, always being the first sight I saw upon returning home, quietly resting in his cozy spot, giving me peace of mind.

When Lamour passed, I knew that some things in life would be gone forever, yet I seemed to cling to them. I painted him, depicting the happy times when he was in my arms, as if doing so could preserve something. It was like bringing his ashes home, as if he were still there, guarding me from his favorite spot.

  1. The Loss Series 3: Between Fire and Water

In 1992, I began learning Flamenco dance, continuing until 2017, when it abruptly stopped. This image is from my last performance, dressed in a long skirt, taking the stage.

A woman can sacrifice everything for love; I practiced dance for love, following a man who loved to dance.

In 2018, I was injured and could no longer dance, and the dance-filled romance faded with it. When I look at this old photo, I realize it’s already been five years, yet the rose petals still dance in my mind. I’m grateful to him for bringing a flourishing chapter into my life.

  1. The Loss Series 4: About Narcissism

This old photo was taken about seven or eight years ago, one evening on a summer beach.

I admit, 25 years of dancing transformed me from a shy, insecure girl into a confident dancer able to stand in the spotlight. Even a casual movement seemed like a performance. This old photo made me realize that I had grown into a confident, perhaps even somewhat “narcissistic” person. I wondered, could I relax? Could I, most of the time, stop feeling like there’s an audience? Could I let go of my obsession with looking good and receiving applause, returning to a pure, authentic state?

Perhaps, through the process of continually painting myself, I will surpass the state of "self-obsession," and finally open my eyes to see the world around me.

The pandemic is severe, the war between Russia and Ukraine...is still ongoing? Has the trade war between China and the U.S. eased?

Narcissism may, after all, be the beginning of self-awareness.

 


李昕 《暮之慾》,激情的繪畫語彙 網。魍

作者:李碧華

(李昕就是一個懶洋洋的勾寫著人生的女人,一向興致勃勃地誇飾著夢想,玩味著性的幽默,披露著慾念的糾纏….)

李昕的畫作含有夏卡爾的味道,遊離於印象派、 立體派、抽象表現主義等多流派間,呈現出夢幻、象 徵性的手法與色彩又趨近於「超現實主義」風格,她的創作很單純地以「愛」為唯一主題。因此細品她的畫面,很容易聯想到「色戒」的誘惑,色不離我,我不離色,隨色賦形……,任由色調縱橫交錯,讓色相自然 滙聚與感情互融。

純就色彩與線條而言,並沒有什麼故事可以追索,但就其所借喻的符號意指,可以是一些夢囈,也可以有一點迷想,或像貓那般地撒一點嬌,黏一下人的意態。

策展人蔡詩萍形容李昕有一種奇特的女性直覺,始終不安,始終焦慮,始終流動:「我無以名之, 只能說我看到的李昕,是一灣溪流,隨著光影,浮動,而引人沉吟。李昕注定是藝術家的,不然人生不該這麼曲折。她也注定要當一位女性的藝術家,不然我們便少了一種從女性本體出發的,會心一笑對男人的嘲諷幽默。」

勾寫懶洋洋的人生 李昕就是一個懶洋洋的勾寫著人生的女人,一向興致勃勃地誇飾著夢想,玩味著性的幽默,披露著慾念的糾纏。

去年底,李昕《網。魍……暮之慾》展出, 結合油畫、錄像、裝置與舞蹈,呈現〈記憶.拼貼〉和 〈暮之慾〉兩系列,表達女性在青春由在的年紀,對慾 望的盼求,以及面對傳統束縛的幽微心思,將編織的金屬網從平面油畫世界,延伸出,交錯並漂浮於整個空間。

李昕這次的畫展,特別採用金屬網籠罩著整個展場,以金屬網入畫,金屬網象徵著人生蛻變所面臨的有形束縛及掙扎,而「魍」則是來自內心無底深層的幽暗與恐懼交纏。網在畫上若隱若現的影,形成素描般 的線條美感;空白牆上的具體網影,在光線的照射下, 讓線條似有若無、忽明忽暗地撒在空間裡,應對著人們心中那個晃動而幽冥的心「魍」。

從女孩到女人,從年少到熟年,從單身到婚姻再 回歸單身,從牙醫、舞者,到藝術家,網從未網住她 的身心,「魍」像是她靈魂的底蘊,「慾」猶然是她向晚的昂揚,拼貼則意味了她從心所欲之自由與奮進。

導演林靖傑說她:「李昕,你真是傳奇,看你的畫以為是 二三十歲的人畫的。」

愛與情.慾與念 在藝術評論家鄭治桂看來,李昕浪漫到令人忘記現實,繽紛到不需要故事,有時,神秘的教人猜疑, 但總是那麼真!真的讓你人懷疑,她的世界裡果真的 填滿了愛與慾嗎?她的真,讓悅目之美顯得貧弱,她的神祕卻一點也不費解,說的總是她的愛與情、她的慾與念。

李昕不愛說話,就算開口說了,也總是低低短短、輕輕慢慢又淡淡,聲音很小聽不真切,只能凑近身,卻立即感受那雙電眼的不尋常,夾雜著迷惘、憂鬱與幽遠,她說,自己這雙眼睛像早失的奶奶,一生都沒有得到她要的愛。 李昕也常側著頭嬌憨淺笑,低柔回答兩句,也突然地伸出十隻手指相扣來傳送冬日溫度,神似張愛玲筆下的「熱烈奔放,有著孩子氣的不管不顧」的女人,銷魂蝕骨的創造出專屬情話,如飛蛾撲火般義無反顧。

淡淡的繞了多少話題,還是回到美的信仰與心靈自由主題,她認為「並不是不食人間煙火才叫自由, 而是突然你了然於心,可以要,也可以不要,來去自如。」如果什麼都想抓著,最後只能自己困在牢籠,事實上什麼都抓不住,包括青春,愛情,財富與名利。 李昕追求心靈自由,遵循的不是所謂道德、戒律,而是尋覓善與真,只要是善、是真必然就會是美,人生的劇本可以掌握在自己筆下,要寫得唯美, 夢境,想像,回憶都比真實更美。

自由替換牢籠,讓將熄滅的火焰重新燃起,用無懼取代驚恐。「l will be strong 不再害怕。」勇於把愛情放在夢的抽屜,李昕眼裡,一幅畫就是一個抽屜,記憶不朽像極了美酒,越陳越香,沒有人世間的干擾, 不再憂慮,不須患得患失,不會有人奪走:「在畫畫 中,我也看到自己虛妄的追求,希望自己作品不朽, 成為大藝術家,因此陷入無限焦慮。」

自由與安定之間,距離太遠,慾望成為心靈的桎梏,心靈自由應該也包括對現實不足的釋然,李昕知道自己要的太多, 卻做不到朱自清所說:「一個人在蒼茫夜色下,什麼都可以想,什麼都可以不想,便是個自由的人。」

跟著感覺.代替悲傷。 每一次畫展之前,都會面臨憂鬱症來襲,這次展出李昕完成的〈山城的男孩〉錄像,〈網〉舞蹈,還有 〈浪跡天涯〉,〈抽菸的男人〉,〈昨日〉,〈殘夏〉,〈頂住 我的顫抖〉等作品。除了繪畫之外,她企圖運用四維空間的動態感覺,來呈現畫展的主軸。 在李昕的畫及舞姿間,不難感受到千絲萬縷的思緒,敘述著人與人之間的相互羈絆、纏繞、拉扯的關係,試著把感覺融進畫裡,可以感受到籠罩下來,那許多無法承受的情緒,畫家整個靈魂都在顫動著!

脫掉舞鞋赤腳跳舞,好像脫掉腳鐐。李昕這次的展出紀錄著正式告別佛拉明哥,迎接全新的開始,用一種新的型式,新的心靈之舞,舞與畫呼應,魍與網映照。 展覽前兩個月,李昕憂鬱症發作,不能吃、不能睡,身體暴瘦。於是決定除了油畫,還要加入肢體表演,把自己燃燒到極致。

練舞第一堂課,就把肋骨弄裂了,一碰就痛,後來每堂課都用繃帶綁著肋骨,還 用護腰夾,咬著牙練習,心想,什麼痛會比心痛更痛呢?一直到表演前一個星期才比較不痛。而舞蹈也在肉體的痛與心痛,慢慢細修到完整。

在北藝大舞蹈排練室,勝博老師先讓她躺在地上,想像自己在水裡,覺得自己像嬰兒在子宮裡,幾乎聽到子宮的潮水聲,李昕回想:「後來老師讓我慢慢起身,然後要我爬到他身上,我心想,我這麼大隻, 老師這麼纖細。很擔心把老師壓垮,後來他叫我先練習爬扶杆,我想像自己是個小女孩,努力爬到爸爸身上,這個想像,讓我想哭,但是躲著沒讓老師看到, 爸爸從來沒有抱過我。」

勝博的編舞借用了接觸即興( C o n t a c t Improvisation)切入,這種舞蹈從 1970 年代,美國舞 蹈藝術家史蒂夫.帕克斯頓(Steve Paxton)創始。舞者在運動中相互支撐,利用彼此的體重激盪出動能, 與其他舞蹈不同之處在於,舞伴經常在滾動、螺旋、 彈跳和落下時進行身體接觸。勝博小老師練舞要求得很細,包括肢體、表情、眼睛、眼神,本來認為要加些大動作,即所謂爆點,他認為:「目前肌耐不足,因此應該好好的先把現有的動作張力完成,不是動作厲不厲害的問題,而是要在每個動作裡面找到每個動作該有的份量和節奏,動作可以再延展一些,不要都只有眼前的空間。動作和動作之間可以再黏稠一些。」

在這種舞動中體會「享受旅程」和即興發揮的方法,產生相互支持和跟隨彼此的動作而動,產生微妙的舞踊效果,舞蹈的不可預測,靈感來自合作夥伴,彼此分享身體和精力充沛的接觸,感覺是最具體的原動力,原來,舞踊跟心靈直接牽動的。

李昕說:「如果這是一個舞台,好像還不太夠,需要一些身體內部出來的張力才有辦法跟凸顯你的這些追求、渴望、等待、害怕、還有驅使自己堅持的力量互別苗頭!有沒有可能我們將這個記憶召喚回來?這 也是戲劇練習的一部分,要讓他變成舞蹈,我們需要更多心靈上自我反問為什麼。」

終於李昕意會到創作是 對每一刻的尊重。當我們的身體忠於現在、現在…… 和現在正在發生的事情互相疊加時,就會激發無窮無盡的甜蜜能量!這次展出,獲得很好的回響,這對李昕是一種珍貴的激勵。

Lee Shin is a woman who lazily sketches her life, always enthusiastically exaggerating her dreams, playing with sexual humor, and revealing the entanglement of desires.

Lee Shin's artwork carries a taste of Chagall, wandering between various art movements such as Impressionism, Cubism, and Abstract Expressionism, yet leaning toward a "Surrealist" style. Her work simply revolves around one theme—love. Thus, when you closely observe her paintings, you may easily be reminded of the seduction in Lust, Caution—desire is ever-present, intertwined with the self. The colors flow freely, merging with emotions, crisscrossing naturally.

From the perspective of color and lines, there isn’t much of a story to be traced. But in terms of the symbols and metaphors implied, it can evoke dreamlike murmurs, a bit of fantasy, or a touch of coquettishness, like a cat playfully teasing its owner.

Curator Tsai Shi-Ping describes Lee Shin as possessing a peculiar female intuition—always restless, always anxious, always in motion: "I can't quite name it. I can only say that the Lee Shin I see is like a stream, shifting with light and shadow, inviting contemplation. Lee Shin is destined to be an artist, or else her life wouldn't be so convoluted. She's also destined to be a female artist, or else we'd be missing a kind of wit—a knowing smile from a female perspective that playfully mocks men."

A Lazy Sketch of Life

Lee Shin is a woman who lazily sketches her life, always enthusiastically exaggerating her dreams, playing with sexual humor, and revealing the entanglement of desires.

At the end of last year, Lee Shin held her exhibition Net. Phantom…Desires of the Twilight, combining oil painting, video, installation, and dance to present two series: Memory. Collage and Desires of the Twilight. These works express a woman’s yearning for desire at a youthful age, as well as her subtle thoughts when facing traditional constraints. She extended woven metal nets from the two-dimensional world of oil paintings, intertwining and floating throughout the entire space.

In this exhibition, Lee Shin used metal nets to envelop the entire gallery, integrating them into her paintings. The metal nets symbolize the tangible constraints and struggles faced during life’s transformation, while "phantom" represents the entanglement of darkness and fear from deep within the soul. The shadows of the nets in her paintings create a sense of sketch-like beauty; the concrete shadows on the blank walls, under the illumination of light, cast a vague, flickering interplay in the space, responding to the elusive and ghostly "phantom" in people's hearts.

From Girl to Woman, from Youth to Maturity

Lee Shin's journey spans from girlhood to womanhood, from youth to maturity, from being single to married and back to single again. She has been a dentist, dancer, and artist. Yet, the "net" never trapped her body or soul. The "phantom" seems to be the essence of her spirit, while "desire" remains her fervor into twilight years. Collage represents her freedom and drive to follow her heart’s desires.

Director Lin Jingjie said of her: "Lee Shin, you're truly a legend. Looking at your paintings, one would think they were created by someone in their twenties or thirties."

Love, Lust, and Longing

To art critic Zheng Zhigui, Lee Shin is so romantic that she makes one forget reality, so vibrant that no story is needed. Sometimes, her works evoke mystery and suspicion, yet they always feel genuine. Genuine enough to make you wonder if her world is truly filled with love and desire. Her authenticity makes beauty seem fragile, while her mystery is never perplexing—it's always about her love and emotions, her desire and longing.

Lee Shin doesn't like to talk much, and even when she does, she speaks softly, slowly, and gently. Her voice is faint, making it hard to hear, so you have to lean in close, only to be struck by the unusual gleam in her electric eyes—a mix of confusion, melancholy, and something distant. She says that these eyes, like her long-lost grandmother’s, have never received the love they longed for.

Lee Shin often tilts her head with a shy smile, offering brief, low responses. Sometimes, she clasps her hands together, transmitting warmth like a woman from a Zhang Ailing novel—passionate, impulsive, with a childlike disregard for consequences. She creates seductive, soul-stirring words, like a moth drawn to a flame, embracing her destiny without hesitation.

The Pursuit of Beauty and Spiritual Freedom

After wandering through countless topics, the conversation returns to the themes of beauty and spiritual freedom. Lee Shin believes, "It’s not that being detached from the mundane world defines freedom. Rather, it’s the moment when everything becomes clear to you—you can have it or not, come and go as you please." Trying to hold onto everything only traps you in a cage, and in the end, you grasp nothing—not youth, not love, not wealth, nor fame.

Lee Shin pursues spiritual freedom, guided not by moral codes or dogma, but by the pursuit of goodness and truth. Anything good and true is inherently beautiful. Life’s script is in her own hands, and she writes it beautifully. Dreams, imagination, and memories are more beautiful than reality.

Freedom replaces the cage, reigniting the extinguished flame, fear is replaced with courage. “I will be strong, no longer afraid.” She bravely places love in the drawer of dreams. To her, a painting is like a drawer—memories age like fine wine, becoming richer with time, undisturbed by the chaos of the world. No more worries, no more fear of gain or loss—no one can take anything from her.

"In my painting, I also see my own vain pursuit, hoping that my work will be immortal and that I will become a great artist, which plunges me into infinite anxiety."

Between Freedom and Stability

The distance between freedom and stability is vast, and desire becomes the shackles of the soul. Spiritual freedom should also include the acceptance of life’s imperfections. Lee Shin knows she wants too much, yet she cannot attain the state of mind described by Zhu Ziqing: “In the vastness of the night, you can think about anything or nothing, and that’s what it means to be free.”

Replacing Sadness with Emotion

Before each exhibition, Lee Shin faces bouts of depression. This time, she presented works such as The Boy from the Mountain City, Net, Drifting Along, The Man Smoking, Yesterday, The Remaining Summer, and Hold My Trembling. Besides painting, she tried to express the core theme of the exhibition through the dynamic sense of a four-dimensional space.

In Lee Shin's paintings and dance movements, one can feel the countless threads of thought narrating the entanglements, ties, and pull between people. Trying to merge feelings into the artwork, you can feel the overwhelming emotions pouring in, as the artist’s entire soul trembles.

Removing her dance shoes and dancing barefoot was like taking off shackles. This exhibition marked her official farewell to flamenco, welcoming a new beginning. A new form, a new dance of the soul, echoing the interplay between "phantom" and "net." Two months before the exhibition, her depression hit hard—she couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, and lost a significant amount of weight. She decided that in addition to oil painting, she would also incorporate body performance, pushing herself to the limit.

During her first dance class, she fractured a rib, which hurt to the touch. From then on, every class involved binding her rib with bandages and wearing a back brace, gritting her teeth through practice, thinking, "What pain could be worse than heartache?" It wasn’t until a week before the performance that the pain began to subside, and the dance gradually refined itself in the balance of physical and emotional pain.

In the dance rehearsal room at Taipei National University of the Arts, instructor Shengbo first had her lie on the ground, imagining herself in the water, feeling like a baby in the womb, almost hearing the sound of amniotic fluid. Lee Shin recalled: "Later, the teacher had me slowly rise, then asked me to crawl onto his body. I thought, 'I'm so big, and the teacher is so slim.' I worried about crushing him, but he had me practice crawling up the barre instead. I imagined myself as a little girl, struggling to climb onto my father's body. The thought made me want to cry, but I hid it from the teacher. My father never held me."

Shengbo’s choreography incorporated Contact Improvisation, a dance form developed in the 1970s by American dance artist Steve Paxton. Dancers support each other during movement, using each other’s body weight to generate momentum. Unlike other dance styles, it often involves rolling, spiraling, bouncing, and falling with constant body contact. Shengbo's dance training was meticulous, focusing on body, expressions, and eye contact. He initially suggested big, explosive moves, but later emphasized completing the existing movements with more tension. He explained: “It’s not about how impressive the moves are, but finding the right weight and rhythm for each movement. You can extend the movements more, not limit them to just the immediate space. The transitions between movements should also feel more fluid.”

Through this kind of dance, Lee Shin learned how to “enjoy the journey” and improvise, experiencing mutual support and a subtle choreography born from moving with and following each other’s actions. The unpredictability of dance, the inspiration from her dance partner, and the physical and emotional connection made the experience deeply profound.

Lee Shin said, "If this were a stage, it still feels lacking. It needs some internal tension from the body to truly highlight your pursuits, desires, waiting, fears, and the force driving you to persevere. Can we summon these memories back? This is also part of theatrical practice. To transform it into dance, we need more spiritual self-questioning—why?"

Lee Shin finally realized that creation is about respecting each moment. When our bodies remain loyal to the present, the now, and everything happening in the current moment overlaps, it generates an endless, sweet energy. This exhibition received very positive feedback, which was a precious encouragement for Lee Shin.



2022《網/魍-暮之慾》

文:鄭治桂

李昕的畫,浪漫到令人忘記現實,繽紛到不需要故事,有時,卻神秘的教你猜疑,但總是那麼真!真的讓你懷疑,她的世界真的填滿了愛與慾嗎?她的真,讓悅目之美顯得貧弱,她的神祕,卻不費解,說的總是她的愛與情、她的慾與念。有時,色彩與線條也並沒有什麼故事,而是一些夢語、一點迷想,或是像貓那般地撒一點嬌,黏一下人的意態。就是一個女人懶洋洋的勾寫著人生,同時興致勃勃地誇飾著夢想,玩味著性的幽默,披露慾念的糾纏。

她的語言如此直率,鮮明的教人臉紅;她的思緒又錯綜如網,忍不住騷動的流瀉,令人莞爾。她以肢體舞動人生,用畫筆挑動情慾。這一次,畫布、線條、織網、色彩、影像與肢體,將把她難以分解的意念鋪撒如網,盡情展現。

天真的她,裸眼直視世界,舞出自己。她說,鏡中的身體,正接近黃昏,她的慾望,始終迎向青春。

Lee Shin's paintings are so romantic that they make you forget reality, so vibrant that they don't need a story. Sometimes, they provoke a mysterious sense of doubt, yet they are always so genuine! Genuine enough to make you question: is her world truly filled with love and desire? Her authenticity makes conventional beauty seem pale, while her mystery is not puzzling—it always speaks of her love and emotions, her desires and thoughts.

At times, the colors and lines don't tell a story, but rather seem like fragments of a dream, a hint of fantasy, or a cat-like flirtation, subtly charming in its approach. She is a woman who lazily sketches her life, yet eagerly exaggerates her dreams, plays with the humor of sexuality, and reveals the entanglements of desire.

Her language is so direct, it makes one blush, while her thoughts are as intricate as a web, spilling out in uncontrollable flow, bringing a smile to your face. She dances through life with her body and stirs emotions with her paintbrush. This time, her canvas, lines, woven nets, colors, images, and movements will scatter her complex ideas like a web, fully unfurling them.

In her innocence, she gazes at the world with unshielded eyes and dances her own story. She says that the body she sees in the mirror is approaching dusk, but her desires continue to face the bloom of youth.

2022《網/魍-暮之慾》

策展人蔡詩萍寫給李昕的10段文字素描

1.認識李昕很久了。

欣賞李昕的畫,也很久了。

2.人如其畫,指的是李昕的多變,浪漫,還有眺望遠方的出神狀態。

這都是解開她畫作的鑰匙。

3.畫如其人,說的是,每次畫展李昕都想試試不一樣的呈現,但她根本不必擔心,因為她的不一樣,打從她對婚姻,對人生舞台的每一次轉身,都注定了她是不一樣的女人,不一樣的藝術家。

4.網,是生命的事實,何處沒有羈絆?!但,網也是藝術創作的試煉,知道自己從網裡看世界,不怕別人怎麼從網眼看自己,這是從容自在的的自由。

5.魍,是水中之怪。光影迷離,心靈流動,唯有水之靈動能穿透網格,以水譬喻女人,其實也是言喻了女性之為創作主體,永遠讓人難以捕捉,充滿言詮的流動性、異質性。

6.暮之慾。蘇軾說:「回首向來蕭瑟處,歸去,也無風雨也無晴。」那是哲人的生命智慧。李昕的畫說:「我的身體是我的溫度計,越到晚晴,燃燒得越炙烈。」那是現代女力的生命能量。

7.記憶拼貼。孩子的時間感,歲月是白紙,一筆一筆畫上。熟年的記憶感,美好是記憶貼紙的選擇,我們選擇值得貼上的色彩,為自己裝扮我要的圖像。

8.李昕有一種奇特的女性直覺,始終不安,始終焦慮,始終流動。我無以名之,只能說我看到的李昕,是一灣溪流,隨著光影,浮動而引人沉吟。

9.李昕注定是藝術家的,不然人生不該這麼曲折。她也注定要當一位女性的藝術家,不然我們便少了一種從女性本體出發的,會心一笑對男人的嘲諷幽默。

10.李昕從女孩到女人,從年少到熟年,從單身到婚姻再回歸單身,從牙醫、舞者,到藝術家,網從未網住她的身心,魍像是她靈魂的底蘊,慾猶然是她向晚的昂揚,拼貼則意味了她從心所欲之自由與奮進。

祝福我的老友李昕。畫展成功,人生成功

 

李昕個展

2018蛻變 ─ 舞動意圖的基因

文: 蔡志榮

     任何藝術作品總檢視著人類的美感經驗,儘管對於藝術本質、內容與表現媒介上存著相異觀點,但都不能否認藝術傳達視覺經驗的獨特性。創作是挖掘自我的矛盾或困頓,爾後融入經驗與感知而宣洩出的作品,亦即以他者抽離式的植入,轉化成創作。當藝術家面對全球化、生態環境的惡化和視覺經驗巨大變革之際,對創作者而言,創作已非僅僅自身情感抒發,更多的是與社會、生活的連結關係。因此,從自身出發,無論是源於哲學思維的創作、發自肺腑的吶喊,或個人對社會、宇宙的發聲對話等,皆展露了作品跳脫舊框架的限制而朝向人文思潮的演變、人類自我挖掘的深度、對自我存在的省思,與對社會事件涉入的層級,顯然地,現當代藝術也塑造了今日社會總總面貌。尤其,當數位化撐起新生旗幟那刻起,就已啟動再次審視與思考藝術與文化時代的變異。資訊數位的語言符號、圖像化轉變人類思維的同時,也意味著美的認知將進入另一時空境界。

        閱覽李昕『蛻變 ─ 舞動意圖的基因』個展,似進入個人多重思維與獨特視野詮釋的藝術世界。從牙醫師、佛朗明哥舞蹈家,至今日的畫家,歷經相異的職業場域和不同身份,最終皆融解於藝術創作中,因此,繪畫過程裡舞者的背景與場域構成作品的基本元素,一幅幅的畫作更似被分割的場景,匯聚在非典型 ( off side )的場域,進行一齣與影觀念、肢體、藝術的戲碼。她藉由繪畫和影像交織穿梭陳訴肢體與媒材的關係,透過身體的感知,在舞與畫之間尋求自我本體與世界的連結,李昕在構設作品之前,先運用影像機器拍攝其舞蹈過程,借用機具的科技視覺重新形塑我們的感知經驗,經自身反芻後再解構、重組。此刻,她的身分溶解在舞者或繪畫創作者間,影像的剪輯與繪畫的解構技巧融洽地再現於畫布上。這正凸顯藝術家掌握了媒體的現代美學理念,藉再現過程將主體自我凸顯、指涉與視覺化,於是,以為主體的影像空間裝置即朝向當代美學型式,當主物件經刻意緩慢營造與聚焦後,內在刻板的經驗會被重整而自我反芻,而人類記憶的影像是連續( continuous ) 生活經驗的剩餘物( residue ),因此,實體經成像、剪輯再變造成影像,生命蠕動的共相連續性在視覺裡展演,熟悉的生命動能鮮活的被激起、召喚。

       無論自視覺角度,創作意念與表達形式,不僅作品具備雙重矛盾的拉扯關係中,她更樂此不疲的在極端的兩極之間尋求解套,形式的對立、媒材的對話與理感性思維的對等,試圖自系統化分析角度處理自我感性的區塊,她將自我私密的感性世界轉借於形式、媒材,以對話甚至對立的手段處理而提昇至另一層次的理性世界,從現實存有的世界至想像區塊,揉雜著情緒性的筆觸和理性幾何方塊,充分說明了作者堅信人文精神的怡情,卻也嚮往科學真裡的精確,如此多重媒介介入的矛頓視點顯露了曖昧的詭異美感,更間接隱涉關於美學、哲學甚而心理學的辨證,於是,透過作者刻意交織的創作,它辯證著物質被再現的美學價值,它挑戰著生命危機重重的消逝感,更藉複數與純粹的相應敘述客體外在世界和主體的矛盾迂迴關係。藝術作品檢視著所謂人類的美感經驗,儘管各家對於藝術的本質、內容與表現媒介上有不同的觀點,但都不能否認藝術創作中經由視覺傳達出美感經驗的獨特性。作品是一種將自身近期的生活經驗與感知,從生活中的矛盾或困頓中,用直覺發洩式的,亦是用第三者抽離式的植入,轉化成作品。作品的實踐,具體化、視覺化,是為了讓觀者藉由參與、感受、判讀,經由現實體驗再轉化成難以捉摸、模稜兩可的狀態,因此,需要創作者自述或相關研究的輔佐,才能運用適切或具體的語境,表達出創作作品的初衷指涉與個體的自我定位。藝術家如此抽絲剝繭又抽離的創作態度不僅回歸純靜的自我世界,觀者透過藝術家建構的視覺經驗、觀看模式、思想習慣而集結成的一個場域,一個可反覆沉澱主體情狀,通過複數詮釋而回向指涉潛在自我主體的細膩與純粹,進而刺激『我』自另一角度審慎觀察熟悉的世界。

 

      藝術家面對現今社會的迅速流轉,社會道德價值觀體系的解構與建構,不斷藉由對社會觀察與無限的想像,依自我辯證與藝術實踐的方式構築了一個新世界。而唯有將自身全然投入此多元混雜的社會環境,實地以『藝術涵養』為手段參與並介入,作品的深度與厚實始能承載這個受新科技、全球化、環境變異等影響的新世紀、新社會。當代藝術自身的呈現,可以是繪畫的、攝影的、儀式的、虛擬的、易容性的、極限性的身體,但唯一的原則必須是藝術家『自身經驗』,因為,唯有穿越藝術家的『我』、穿越重重隱晦,才能使『主體』獲得顯影的可能。」因此,李昕以自身身體當作創作的直接或間接媒介,透過身體所經歷的事件、或自我身體所介入的行為,轉譯成一種語言符碼,通過此有形的符碼真切詮釋出藝術家抽象的內在風景,她正嘗試整合多重元素而為一完整作品,作為她個人對主體與世界相對位置、關係的確認。

2017個展<<時光。身體之舞>>

< 2017 台灣最美的一道藝術風景 >

文: 策展人蔡詩萍

身為 21 世紀的台灣畫家,李昕無疑是幸運的。 比起上世紀,八九零年代的喧囂,以及隨之而來的一段藝壇低迷時期,那期間李昕雖然仍在作畫,不過她埋 首解決自己生命遭逢的際遇,使她閃過了那段期間不少台灣藝術家必須面臨的「認同問題」,家國的,土地的, 性別的,身份的,等等。

而李昕,埋首作畫,昂揚跳舞,倔強的,向舊世紀之末告別既往,對新世紀之始宣告未來,2017 年其實是 這份告別與宣告的延續,她去了威尼斯雙年展衛星展,她去了日本福岡亞洲藝術博覽會,而總其成的報告,則是 這次的個展「身體。時光之舞」。

李昕是誰?她是一個努力追尋自我的女人。

她是牙醫師。這證明她有專注於專業的知識與能力。 但,她並不很快樂。

對,「不快樂」這件事,構成了她生命裡激盪不已的成分,也是她的創作裡,時隱時現的,充滿張力的原因。

為什麼不快樂呢?

因為,生命短暫(即便曾經那麼輝煌),肉身脆弱(即便曾經那麼青春),世事總不那麼如意(即便曾經也 有得意),因為她的靈魂深處,飄著一股浮蕩的,迴旋的,總不那麼踏實的創作的衝動。

這樣的焦躁,不安,男性藝術家普遍也有。不過,唯有在自我意識特別敏銳的女性藝術家身上,我們會更為 鮮明的注意到。

李昕的畫,洋溢著手舞足蹈,身體擺盪的音樂性,這是很多人都感受到的。 因而,她同時也是一位佛郎明哥舞者的身份,使人很輕易的就會把舞者與畫家兩種身份,透過畫面的舞蹈性, 因而連結在一塊。

然而,在我看,這樣的連結若太過簡化,會讓我們忽略了,一位創作者,尤其是她出入於舞蹈與繪畫之間, 從容不迫的某種更為根本的內在氣質。

依我看,李昕的畫,跟她的舞蹈,都不過是她生命裡流動性的一以貫之。

她的畫風,不具體卻也不完全抽象。 在具體的形象思維中,你可以看到她漂流的筆觸,總想破繭而出。而在不具體的掌握裡,你又可以明白察覺到, 她掙扎的,想告訴你有一股限制,有一種框架,始終在那,尤其對一個思慮敏捷的女人,尤其是!

她的畫,不僅僅是舞蹈風格的,而根本是流動意識的奔騰。

唯有把握住那股奔騰的內在,我們才知道畫面的流動,舞者的狂放,原來都不過是在詮釋那種內在,突顯那 種內在。

有趣的是,藝術評論家在觀察這種藝術家內在的焦躁不安時,若創作者是男性,通常他們會忽略性別,而指出那是個性使然,或甚而直指這是一種創作的手法,或狀態,而往往歸之於所謂的音樂性。

沒錯,我注意到,許多在抽象,半抽象之間移動的男性藝術家,最容易被詮釋成他們的作品充滿音樂性。那 麼,女性藝術家呢?不多,真的不多。

因為,在古典音樂,現代音樂的世界裡,剛好「音樂性」這描述,普遍都發生在男性創作者身上,因而, 很自然的,把音樂性套用在男性藝術家身上,似乎也就理所當然了。

但李昕的流動性,絕不是看來非常典雅的音樂性,非常超然性別的音樂性,所能一筆概括的。

李昕的流動性,是女性自覺,在長期婚姻,家庭,女性角色結構化、呆板化的處境下,一種發乎本能的反抗, 但李昕選擇的路,在現實生活裡,是勇敢的出走,勇敢的做抉擇;在藝術的殿堂裡,李昕選擇的,是奔騰的舞蹈, 是雅俗皆能共賞的比才筆下《卡門》式的佛郎明哥堅毅的舞步,是流動的筆觸下,女人奮起的軀體,以及意志, 如何超克男性,把玩男性,甚至凌虐男性的種種可能!

「身體。時光之舞」創作的年代,橫跨 1990 年代直到近期。這剛好是台灣畫壇,在八零九零,配合著社會 劇變,迎合著股市萬點,從高峰逐漸滑落,而中國藝壇挾其「中國崛起」,成為舉世矚目之焦點,台灣藝術界在 自我認同之後,繼續找尋下一步的新階段。

李昕很幸運,她並非學院畫家,亦非畫壇的公共知識份子,她只是埋首跳她的舞,作她的畫,解決她生命情 境所遭逢的各式挑戰。反而讓我們有機會,完整看到她流動的筆觸下,一個台灣現代女人的前半生故事,以及反思這些故事的流動的畫面。

每一位創作者,都是心靈異想世界的神,每一段藝術創造的體驗,都是邁向無限可能的試探。但,藝術家 畢竟是生活世界裡的凡人,他們只能可歌可泣的,以創作來完成他們自身有限的體驗,以喚起我們對無垠,對無限,對可能的極致,有一股堅強不屈的眺望。

沒錯,我們的心靈與身體,都在時間之河裡,不斷的摩擦與碰撞。

於是,我們有了愛與追尋的記憶。

李昕的「身體。時光之舞」,見證了一位女性的現代生活歷程,見證了肉身在戀與恨,在癡與怨,在悲與歡 之間,不得不迎向歲月的種種痕跡。 生命是短暫的,肉身是有限的,然而,藝術,女性藝術家,則穿越時空,為我們捕捉了定格的永恆! 李昕,當然會是台灣 2017 年之後,最美的一道藝術風景!

<時光流逝,奮力前行>    

李昕自述2017

我看見 我跳舞

   1996年,「我看見 我跳舞」, 第二次畫展,全國巡迴展。當時,剛剛認識林耕,剛剛開始跳舞;我們決定在畫展中,跳一段佛拉明哥舞蹈,由林耕編舞,找了六個男生(連林耕),在我的畫「最後的晚餐」前面舞蹈。當時,台灣沒有佛拉明哥,大家都好好奇,有點小轟動,也從此,在我人生中,從牙醫、畫畫,岔出一條完全是意外的路­‑‑舞蹈。

   跳舞其實好難,還好當時錄影不是那麼普遍,youtube也不流行,因此舞蹈初期,只留下照片,沒有甚麼影片,因此,肢體僵硬的ㄔㄨㄛ’樣,沒有太多的流傳,留下的都是浪漫的記憶。

   女性的翻轉,在當年,並不是那麼理所當的。媽媽一再告誡,女人的貞操是多麼嚴重的事,因此,”壞女人”的罪惡感,在腦海裡”嗡嗡”敲個不停。

   開始畫畫,不是故意標新立異或是抗議,但是,畫畫的時候,純然的自己,沒有管別人的眼光,於是,情人,女牙醫師,女畫家與模特兒,男與女系列,最後的晚餐,男人洗澡,男人洗頭,一幅幅有點情色的畫,從我年輕的身體及心,噴湧而出。還記得,一堆女性朋友,看到我的畫的驚訝、竊竊私語、呵呵笑的表情,好像說出他們心裡喜歡,卻講不出來的部分,而男生們,被偷窺似的,大部分一臉的尷尬。

   30歲的我,內心的獸釋放在畫布,恣意張狂的舞著。

潘金蓮

   2006年,「台北地圖之尋找潘金蓮」,迷火佛拉明哥舞坊第一個製作的舞劇,與楊世平導演及音樂劇王子王柏森合作,倒不是想把卡門這樣的角色,藉著潘金蓮直接搬到台北,而是當年情感的飄泊,一段不愉快的婚姻,對潘金蓮產生投射,潘金蓮是壞女人嗎?我是壞女人嗎?

    第一次的舞劇,舞蹈及演技表現都不成熟,但是我終於可以藉著這次舞劇,大聲的喊,”潘金蓮不是壞女人,他是正常的女人”,而潘金蓮是一個精力充沛有創造力的,認真的活,當自己心靈、身體、情慾的主人的女人。

   我這個舊時代的女人,總算藉著藝術創作,畫畫、跳舞,一次又一次的心靈洗滌,從罪惡感的深淵慢慢爬出來。

貓腳印

   養貓20年。在新店的舞蹈室旁,撿到了喵喵,豆西跌及花花,母貓帶著兩隻小貓,後來豆西跌跟花花趁大人不在,做了那事,生了四隻小貓,之後,我又陸續撿了好幾隻貓,最多的時候,家裡三十隻貓。

   貓到我家,剛開始都瘦瘦髒髒的,一段時間,就變得胖胖的,毛蓬蓬的,但幾年後,又開始變瘦,然後不吃,然後形如枯槁,最後,尿溼禁….,貓咪是最愛乾淨的,最自愛,走到這一步,是多麼的無奈悽慘。每一隻貓都在我懷裡嚥下最後一口氣。我知道他們很戀家,不喜歡離開家,在他們剛走,身體還溫熱的時候,將腳掌用油畫顏料印在畫布上,這樣他們就永遠待在家裡,不會離開我。

   喵喵、豆西跌、花花、阿海、NICO、臭小貓、灰豆、古錐、公主、NANI、小黑、斑斑、阿財、NICO、GUAPO、豬頭妹、黑頭、點點、大眼、阿灰、夢娜、小虎,LION,都已經當了小天使……,目前家裡還有17隻貓。

   在養貓的過程中,跟貓玩耍…..,凝視死亡…..。

時間

         被  時間  上了銬,

         就只能當他的俘虜,被他押著走,沒有反抗能力,

         直到有一天,突然跟你說,

         終點到了,就這樣了....

   從小,對時間就很有感覺。28歲時,就感嘆自己已經老了。

   跳舞需要年輕的身體。38歲,擔心再不拚搏就來不及了,於是放下所有的事,包括牙醫、畫畫,全心投入舞蹈。一轉眼又過20年。現在,時間又更加緊迫了,有把握再活二十年嗎?

   接下來的歲月,充滿不確定。五年前,髖關節受傷,驚覺身體不一樣了。

   人生有如夸父追日,從白天追到日落,最後只能望著令人窒息的殘紅,對著即將到來的黑暗,發出長長的嘆息。

    在我人生的最後,要做甚麼呢?甚麼是非做不可的呢?

    前夫在剛滿60歲的時候跟我說,他還要奮力工作到90歲,說完兩星期,突然中風,人生突然被迫畫下句點,如今,攤在床上已經8年,全身插著管,不能說話,看不清楚。看著他悲傷的眼睛,日漸縮小的身軀,我已經擠不出半句鼓勵的話….. 。

   面對命運殘酷無常,只能低頭。

   爸爸有寫日記的習慣,我們整理成一本書,並不是曠世巨作,裡面都只是記載日常雞皮蒜毛的事,
但是爸爸走後,卻是一件留下來最貼近他身影的遺物,他在字行裡仍然活靈活現。
在畫畫時,我有這樣的想像,顏料一點一滴的堆疊,歲月都駐足在我的筆觸裡。生命的片段在畫布上繼續舞躍著,

每一幅畫都藏著一段秘密,都住著一個ghost,等著跟關注者進行超越時空的對話。

   電影「星際效應」,主角說,父母是兒女的ghost,父母仍然藉著各種可能, 夢、文字、氣味、畫、遺物等等

跟兒女溝通,好像是藏在另一個次元,偷偷的進行密碼輸送。

   2013年,跟陳明芳辦了一個聯展「玻陶之歌」,我終於又拾起畫筆。

   能夠靜下心畫畫,是多大的福份,莫名的孤獨感及慌張,被油彩隱藏了,轉化了,溶解了....。跳舞是個繁華艷麗的世界,雖然多采多姿,卻也被喧鬧弄得疲累不堪。髖骨的受傷,反而讓我停下來,沉澱省思。

   面對內心的各種聲浪,及幽微的變化,如何轉化成為藝術呢?

   甚麼是美呢?真實的,純粹的,還有,我希望是”不一樣”的,或許這算是一種藝術家的妄念,想要”不一樣”,有時會把自己弄得很焦慮;但是,如果是天生不一樣呢?

   我喜歡不一樣,從小就是這樣,大家嘰嘰聒聒搶著說話,我選擇沉默;全家聚在一起看電視,我一個人悶在房裡;教官規定襯衫要塞到裙子,我偏偏拉出來;大家都在晚自習,我趴在課桌睡覺;大家回寢室睡覺,我躲在棉被裡,用微弱手電筒燈光讀書….。不要一樣,我的生命不要一樣,我的作品不要一樣。

 

多媒體舞蹈劇場

    我想要不一樣,因此,這次的畫展,要不一樣。它不只是一個平面的畫展,也不只是加了立體的瓷器,我還想把自己的身體也成為展演一部分,因此用舞蹈展現。每個人,都是上帝跟自己合作的傑作,我希望把肢體的美,及藉著肢體傳遞靈魂的情感,也成為展品,成為一個三度空間的展出;然後,加上多媒體製作,希望藉著影像,超越空間,甚至超越時間,能夠是一個四度空間的展演。

   只要面對時光,都是充滿負面自憐,但是在這次多媒體創作過程,靖傑導演不要我傷感,詩萍也鼓勵我迎擊,名煒靈慧的目光啟動我超越肉身另一層的生命能量。   

    我們在海邊拍攝四天,中間還碰到颱風,巨浪的壯闊給了我好大的能量。對生命有一種不同的啟發,突然覺得,大天大地大海的能量,或許更能承載著我,到達另一種精神境界。或許接下來的創作會有不同。
  「我看見 我跳舞」,1996年的舞畫展,我舞得好ㄔㄨㄛ’,但對我而言,是一個舞畫創作的開始,而20年後,這次的多媒體舞畫劇展,「身體。時光之舞」,雖然跳舞進步許多,卻因年歲的增長,舞得有點吃力了。 不過,我想,我會繼續,在時光流逝當中,奮力前行,舞畫到完全不能動為止